I’m currently writing this in word as shock horror my blog account has been suspended….I am not sure what is going on but I am really hoping it gets sorted very soon. Deep breaths. I’ve been itching to write this post too as I have had a really insightful few days to share with you.
(If you are reading this now you’ll know it’s been restored….)
It all began with a massage, not just any old massage but a African Rhythms massage with Magnus “magical healing hands” Agugu at his healing plantation retreat out in the middle of nowhere. I honestly could not point to exactly where I was on the map but I know I was somewhere in a cottage in the middle of fields and forest about half an hour from Lewes.
It was quite surreal and I have to admit I did smile inwardly at the situations I find myself in sometimes. I felt like I was back in India having another crazy experience. Which I LOVE!!! I love experiencing new things and anything that feels good and is healing is perfect by me.
Magnus is a beautiful soul, his energy is so lovely and his story is quite amazing. I can’t tell it in depth enough to give it full justice but basically there was a time in his life when he hit rock bottom. His only option to earn money was to become a rubbish man and due to living out in the countryside he couldn’t actually get to work on time because the buses started too late.
He told his wife he was going to spend the night in their spare room to have some alone time to think and speak with God to ask for guidance. After praying desperately he fell to sleep to be awakened by a woman’s voice telling him to be a masseur! He couldn’t believe it and hoped if he fell asleep he might be woken again with something a bit more sensible. He felt it was wrong to be massaging other people’s bodies when he was married.
When morning rose and Magnus opened his eyes there had been no other message. He sheepishly came out of his room and when his wife asked if he had received any guidance he embarrassedly told her what he had heard. To his surprise she said “I told you that years ago!” and to his amazement even more his mother told him that the voice must have been his grandmother who had been a great healer. They were both so on board with the idea that he decided to go for it and the rest is history. 8 years later he has massaged thousands of people and his testimonials are outstanding.
Magnus combines elements of life coaching and powerful affirmations to help heal any discomfort in the body. He got me to think about my vision for the next year which of course involved going back to India. So then he played Indian vibe music whilst I was having the treatment to help visualize it.
I was left feeling very grounded, in my body, calm and in touch with what emotionally could have been causing my shoulder and lower back pain. According to Louise Hay any pain in the back is around feeling of lack of support. Your lower back is around money and your upper back around love. The week my lower back pulled I was feeling tension around money and whilst I have a lot of love and support in my life from my friends and family I don’t have romantic love.
I am so independent and in love with my life that I don’t often acknowledge that it would be nice to have someone to share it with. However I would love that. In fact I would love nothing more than to be in love, sharing life by the sea and all the magic it brings.
Just expressing this to you all is BIG for me.
From one experience to another and a day later I was in a voice workshop with Narayani, an amazing Kirtan singer, voice coach and yoga teacher. There was a point where we were asked to chant back to back to feel the support from the other person and my shoulders just melted. I love touch on my upper back and again it brought to mind the realisation I had received from the massage.
And that it’s OK! It’s all OK.
The voice workshop was me stepping out of my comfort zone. There were 2 things that stuck in my mind from teachers at school:
1) I could not spell
2) I could not sing
Firstly, thank goodness for spell check and secondly…..as a result of being told this numerous times at school I have pretty much avoided singing most of my life. In most singing “situations” I would mime. It was not until I spent time at Sivananda ashram that I discovered how beautiful it is to sing, after chanting there I felt heart opened and completely buzzing from the energy it creates.
The great thing about Indian chanting is you do not have to sing in tone!! It’s singing from the heart, it doesn’t matter what it sounds like and actually when you sing like this it sounds pretty perfect anyway.
Even so the prospect of singing with a small group of people and the possibility I may have to sing solo was a bit nerve racking However I love to challenge myself and push my comfort zone, it’s the only way a grow and it makes me feel alive.
So there we were, singing back to back, singing looking into each others eyes, singing dancing freely around the room….and yes that inward smile crept over me about the situations I find myself in and feeling like I was back in India again. It was just perfect 🙂
After singing all morning I started to notice my voice straining, which often happens when I feel a bit uncomfortable in what I am saying or when I am trying to project my voice. Narayani pointed out that although that can be something mechanical to work on often it’s a sign of something else emotionally going on. Were there other times in my life when I felt like I need to push something out?
I remember growing up there were times when I felt shy and there were people who told me to speak up, even when I didn’t want to. That pressure led me to want to keep quiet even more but there were times when I literally had to force myself to speak.
I don’t often get that now but every now and then in situations where I am really baring my soul, expressing myself around something that is important to me I can feel the need to force it out.
What I realised on Sunday that how ever it comes out of me, what ever words I use, how ever I choose to express myself is perfect. It doesn’t have to be said in a certain way. I don’t have to sing at a certain pitch, tone, volume. As long as I am singing from my heart then it’s all OK.
My intention this week is to SING! Just to get used to singing out loud. I know this will sound crazy to some of you who are used to singing all the time. I drove up to Glasgow with a friend a few weeks ago, she was singing all the way and couldn’t believe I don’t sing along to the radio. So that’s what I am going to do….I am going to sing along to the radio and to life!
It’s unbelievable the impact of what teachers said to us at school can have. All these years I have not sung purely because I was told I couldn’t. How crazy is that? If someone was to tell me now I couldn’t that would be my signal to do just that!
Is there anything you have been holding on to since your school days? Anything you believe you can’t do just because one person told you that you couldn’t? Maybe now is the time to challenge that and find out why it’s a load of old rubbish!